Can't Prove a Memory
by Sull89
Summary: One shot, postmovie. In Munich now, Ed realizes that sometimes the things you leave unsaid really do matter.


"I'll be back in a few hours, alright Edward?" Laughing, the one-time gypsy girl spun in a little circle before grabbing a large basket off the table, "We need some more supplies, food especially, and once I get them I think I'll go to the laboratory and wait for Al." Noah paused to smile softly at Ed, "If you don't mind, that is."

Looking up from the large book lying in his lap, Ed returned Noah's grin, "Yeah, go on." Leaving his finger between the pages to hold his spot, the young man then closed the tome before speaking again, "I think Al would appreciate the company. Besides that, you've been cooped up here for too long. Getting out would do you some good."

Slipping the basket onto her lower arm, Noah waved goodbye to Ed as she curtsied slightly in his direction just to be silly. The sound of Ed's appreciative, amused laughter reached Noah's ears and warmed her heart as she left him behind, his parting words ringing in her ears, "Don't be doing that for any other man, Noah!"

It wasn't long after the girl left the apartment that Ed's momentary joy fled him. Rising from the armchair he had been resting in, Edward set his book down on the side table and let his finger slip from the pages without bothering to mark them a different way. "I need a drink," he muttered, heading for the small kitchen located toward the back of the space, "or at least something like it."

Bringing a hand up to the back of his neck, Ed rubbed at the tense muscles, trying to work the kinks from them. Pulling a mug from the sink-side strainer, the former alchemist then proceeded to fill it with water, staring at the liquid as it curved to fit the shape of its container.

"Hydrogen and oxygen, that's it…" a small, sad laugh forced its way through Ed's lips, "it's one of the most basic compounds in existence, yet now I need a pump and a faucet to get at it." Sighing, Ed sank onto the bar stool set by a window, cradling his drink between real and prosthetic hands as he leaned sideways along the wall and cast his gaze outward, through the glass and towards the river that ran through Munich.

Finally resting now, with nothing in front of him to study but the ground outside, Ed slowly fell into his memories. It had been four months since he had last seen Amestris, but he could still recall the details of his first home so vividly that when he closed his eyes it felt as though he was there.

Now his inner vision took Edward to Resembool, dropping him in front of the plot of land his old family home used to rest on. The grass had grown over now, and all the charred remains were gone, but the land still rolled just like it always had, uninterrupted by massive developments or tons of people.

Alphonse… His younger brother. They had given up so much, and burning down their house had signified all of that, but in return Ed still had to wonder if they had really gotten what they deserved. Of course, according to Dante, equivalent exchange didn't truly exist, but Ed couldn't bring himself to believe that. Not when she first told him that and not even now, over two years later.

At least Al had his real body back, even if it was that of a twelve-year-old instead of the teenager he really was. It was amazing though, the first time Ed had seen Al smile. The first time he had seen Al really smile, not just heard the one that had been in his voice through all his years as a suit of armor.

Now that the younger Elric had regained his memories, Edward was at least a little more confidant that they had received what was due to them. He still wondered, from time to time though, whether or not Al was happy with the way things turned out. "It's my fault he's here…" Ed spoke only to the empty air, but he had to say it out loud, "I'm the reason he left everyone behind."

"What did coming here gain him?" Turning slightly, Ed rubbed his shoulder against the wall, trying to scratch an itch he couldn't honestly reach, "Sure, he said that being able to stay with me was all the equivalency he needed, but… I'm not so sure that I'm worth loosing everyone else."

With a sigh, Ed sank back into his memories of Amestris, of Resembool, putting the question of Al's happiness to the back of his mind for just a while. He needed a chance to remember everyone else… Everyone he would never see again.

Now, his waking dream showed Ed the home of his oldest friend. The Rockbell automail shop still existed as the two-story yellow and stone building it was last time he had seen it in real life, and the whitewashed balcony coming off the room he knew was Winry's seemed to gleam in the afternoon sun, teasing him, almost, with something he could never have.

The river moved through the small town not far from Winry's home, making its way through the village at a leisurely, calm pace. The sound of the water bubbling over the riverbed pulled Ed's attention in that direction and as he watched the afternoon sun glint from the river's surface, a ton of unexpected memories came rushing back, hitting Ed all at once, almost overwhelming him.

It took the young man a few seconds to sort through all his thoughts, but once he did Ed found that he was left with a clear picture of Winry. It was almost as though she was standing in front of him; the image was that perfect. Ed didn't find it hard to recall her smile either, or hear her voice echo through the lonely caverns in his mind.

The river had always been a special place for the two of them, there when they needed some peace. As Ed grew up, especially during the time his mother grew sicker and sicker, he grew to rely on the steady beat of that water. Winry too, was steady as the river; always there to just sit with him if that's what Ed needed.

Words weren't required; they never had been. It was enough to hear her breathing next to him and know that if he needed to talk, she would be there to listen. As time moved onward, Ed grew to rely on Winry more and more and it wasn't just because of his automail.

No matter how long he'd been away, no matter how far he gone, no matter what he'd done… Winry never questioned it. She never second guessed his decisions or said that she was ashamed of his role in the military. The girl was there to help in any way she could, and she was one of the very few people Ed trusted with everything he had.

Winry gave Ed more than she probably ever even knew. She allowed him to be himself, to be free of the constraints of his job, even if only for a few days at a time. She took him as he was, a teenager just like her, nothing more, nothing less. He'd never told her, but Ed had always appreciated that.

The concern she held for him way always there, too. In everything she did Ed could tell that Winry cared just as much as Al, in her own way. Thinking back on it now, Edward realized that he had put her in some really tough situations; leaving her with little or no information and just the fear that she might never see him again. Winry had never let that bog her down though.

No, she would just smile and wave and promise that they would see one another again. "She was giving me hope…" Ed finally finished his glass of water and set it on the table beside him as he whispered his next, "Holding me up even though I didn't know it myself. Winry was telling me that I'd make it out alive, no matter what."

"She had faith in me…" turning away from the window for just a moment, Ed rubbed his fingers over the bridge of his nose, trying to press away the sudden pall that cast itself over him, "and this time, I broke it. I can't go back."

Ed squeezed his eyes shut now, as though trying to hide from his next statement, "I didn't even tell her goodbye." Destroying the gate was irreversible; Amestris was no longer reachable from this world and it never would be. It still haunted Ed though, when he was alone; the knowledge that he had left Winry with no idea of what had happened to him or Alphonse.

Shaking his head, the former alchemist looked to his hands, devoid now of anything to hold on to. There were no more quests, no more unanswered questions, no more lost memories… There wasn't even any alchemy in this world, no chemistry to compare with that Ed already knew.

On top of all that though, in the reality of things, there was no more Amestris. To be honest, there never was an Amestris, not without the gate. It could never be proven, never reached again. There was no way to show that it had ever existed; after all, Ed couldn't prove a memory.

Tilting his head backwards, Ed let it gently knock against the wall as he sighed, "I can't prove that Winry was ever alive…" Without bothering to look, Edward lashed out with his hand, moving it through clean air for a moment before accidentally slamming it into the water glass.

Hitting the floor with a crash, that container finally shattered the oppressive silence that had enveloped the entire apartment. It shook Ed from his reverie too, bringing him back to the present, to reality. Looking down at the glass shards now covering his kitchen floor, he sighed, anger at himself tinting his words, "I'm sorry, Winry… if I did that to you."

* * *

Review, please.  
-Sull 


End file.
